Memoirs of a megastar aged 18: As Harry Styles splits from his latest celeb lover, a guide to the exhausting life of a heart-throb

Harry Styles has not yet reached 19, but he’s already a multi-millionaire.
In November he and his One Direction bandmates topped charts around the world with their second album Take Me Home. First, he had a fad for dating ‘older’ women in their 30s.
More recently, he’s had a text-book showbiz romance with Country megastar Taylor Swift, 23. But like so much else in his high-speed life, it is all over after  just a few weeks.
Here, David Thomas imagines how Harry might look  back on his young, but action-packed, life . . .

 

 

This is me in kindergarten - pictured left - I grew up in Holmes Chapel, Cheshire. It's freaky how I looked just like I do now. Except for that ginger hair! This right picture is so embarrassing! It's my Lady Bra-Ga look. I was only, like, eight. Would I grow up to be a ladies' man or a ladyboy?

 

I can't believe it's just three years since our school prom - note the wicked pink flower. This girl's like: 'Thanks for asking me.' So I'm like: 'Well, all the women teachers said no!'

 

That chap with the funny hair is called Simon Cowell. When we got knocked out of the X Factor in 2010, I thought we were going in One Direction all right - to the dole queue.

 

I love my mum. She's always been there for me. I told her: 'You're gorgeous mum.' And she goes: 'Aw, Harry, that's sweet. But I'm almost old enough to be your girlfriend!'

 

 

I met DJ Lucy Horobin, pictured left, in 2011. She was like, 32! She reminded me of someone but I can't think who... After Lucy I thought, like: 'Who else do I know that's ancient? Durr!! Caroline Flack, the chick who presents The Xtra Factor is 32, too! Why don't I pull her?'

 

After me and the Flackster broke up last January, I had a very discreet go at Kim Kardashian, but I don't think anyone noticed anything!

 

 

One Direction went to Oz, which was a long way away on a big bus that went in the air. I showed off my pec deck, pictured left, on a boat ride round Sydney Harbour. Being a star is great! You go out with sexy models like Emma Ostilly from America, wherever that is. And she lets you snog her - in an alley. BRILLIANT!

 

 

Had a spare week in July, so I went out with Caggie Dunlop, pictured left, out of Made In Chelsea. Real posh totty. But she was only 23, so not really my type. Last October, I met Katy Perry at the MTV Video Awards in a country called Los Angeles. We had a snog on stage, but we both thought that the other one was too young.

 

So then I went out with Cara Delevingne - my first supermodel. She's dead posh, too. Went in my own Range Rover. It goes forwards as well as backwards. How cool is that?

 

 

 

Me and this singer Rita Ora, pictured left, went to the G.A.Y club in London. Though we're not that, obvs!! I buy the Mail. It tells me stuff like who I'm dating and what country I'm in.

 

I took an E-Type for a drive. I'd gone full throttle with a few Cougars, but this was my first Jaguar. I love a vintage beauty that can still turn it on.

 

Just bought this £3 million house in North London. It's huge, with a mega-garage with a car lift. Pity I can't work the cooker or dishwasher. Mum...help!

 

I started going out with Taylor Swift - she's famous but not as cool as me, obvs. Says she's a Country singer but does gigs in towns, too. Sadly, it didn't last.

 

It all started to go wrong when we stayed at Taylor's in Los Angeles. Her mum came over and she's well old - perfect! I said: 'Come on, Mrs Swift, let's do a runner while Taylor's not looking.' Cue big row!

 

After I spent some minutes getting over Taylor, Sir Richard Branson invited me to a hot-tub party on his island, Necker. The other blokes were really old. But so were all the women, so I was pretty chuffed.

 

My new tattoos look cool and they all mean something. Like the one that says 'Might as well...' just above my pants. It's a message to the girls. If they get that far, they might as well keep going.